Hyrule: Caught On Camera!
by Kaori-chan
Summary: Hyrule has a new television show! Tune in as your favorite Zelda characters each have one week to express their creativity...if that's what you can call it. R+R!!!! And suggestions are welcome!
1. Default Chapter

1 Hyrule: Caught On Camera  
  
A fic by Sheik  
  
Disclaimer: Do I own Zelda? No. Do I own this fic? Yes. There is a biiiiiig difference there! And also, if you think I stole your idea, I didn't! This is my fic thought up by me alone. So please don't get mad thinking that I copied! Okay, that's really redundant. Oh well. -_-'  
  
  
  
¤ We see a big studio, illuminated only by a huge television screen. An audience is dimly visible in the glow from the screen. A lone figure walks out onto the stage in front of the screen, and a spotlight appears on it, accompanied by applause from the audience. ¤  
  
Figure: Hello, and welcome to the debut of the newest in Hylian entertainment! I'm your host, Saria. Thank you for tuning in to "Hyrule: Caught on Camera!" and thanks to our live studio audience, whom out of courtesy and all-out niceness, have paid big bucks to see something they have no clue about!  
  
Audience: (applause)  
  
Saria: Now, let's begin. Tonight's show will be basically explaining the rules, the theme, and the whole point of the show even existing.  
  
¤ Crashes and other various violent sounds can be heard, as well as a high- pitched voice saying: "It's not fair! How come he gets to participate!? He always does everything...I don't even……a little consideration!"  
  
Audience: (silence)  
  
Saria: Ahem, now why don't we get started with the show?  
  
Audience: (applause)  
  
¤ The screen lights up, revealing a blue background with a picture of a video camera slowly revolving in the center of the screen. Saria picks up one of those clicker things that meteorologists use to change the weather maps when predicting the weather, and begins ¤  
  
Saria: Now, this show is going to revolve around this little piece of equipment: a home video recorder. Each one of our contestants has one week and a one-hour tape to make a kind of mini-movie, of whatever and in whatever style they want. At the end of the entire show, you, as the viewers, vote on the best one and the winner gets a secret mystery prize! Of course, this is only the basic frame of the show. You can bet on seeing some surprising twists in the show!  
  
¤ She pushes a button on the clicker, and the camera disappears. ¤  
  
Saria: It's time for our first commercial break, so don't touch that dial! We'll be right back on "Hyrule: Caught on Camera!"  
  
¤ The lights fade in the studio and the screen goes blank for a moment, and then fades in on a beautiful, quiet Hylian morning, the early mist just clearing. Suddenly the serenity is shattered by the sounds of hoofs pounding. A few moments later, we see a poe screeching and shooting flames at something behind it while speeding around for all it's worth, with an Adult Link mounted on Epona in hot pursuit. ¤  
  
Link: YAHAAA! I got you now, you little pest!  
  
¤ Link hits the unfortunate being with two arrows, then dismounting, scoops it up into a bottle. Link looks at the camera and begins to talk to it in the style of those old commercials that we never see anymore. ¤  
  
Link: Oh, hello there! If you're like me, then there's nothing you hate worse than a huge poe disrupting your family time by burning your house down or killing your cuccos. If that's the case, then you need Poe-B-Gon!  
  
¤ Link holds up a huge, brightly-colored bottle. Malon walks onto the scene holding a spray bottle of the same description. ¤  
  
Malon: That's right, Link! Poe-B-Gon is a real miracle-worker around the ranch! And in this convenient, easy-to-use spray bottle, why, anyone could use it!  
  
Link: This miracle-working solution takes care of all your poe-related problems! Poe-B-Gon is a powerful poe repellent that works like this: Simply sprinkle it around the edge of your home, or anywhere that you don't want poes, and POOF! Your poe problems are solved! Take it from me, the Hero of Time: You'll wish you had this the next time a poe burns your home to the ground!  
  
Malon: So until next time,  
  
Link: When we come back, we'll have even more great stuff from Hyrule's Family Company: Dangerous Life-saving Products, Inc.!  
  
Both: See ya!  
  
¤ As the screen fades, we hear a fast voice stating that fine-print stuff that we always hear in car dealership commercials. ¤  
  
Fine-Print Voice: donotusepoebgoninpoorlyventilatedareas. Donotuseonclothing. Donotuseonactuallivingbeings. Poebgonisnotreponsbleforsuchsdeeffectsas-carbonmonox- idepoisoning, anykindofcancer, leukemia, blindness, andsevereburnsfromuseonun- protectedskin.  
  
¤ The screen goes blank again, then fades in on the studio as the audience is (yet again) applauding. By this point there is a plush red couch on stage, slightly diagonal to both the studio audience and the screen. Saria, seated on this couch, is sipping a glass of water. Upon receiving her queue, she sets down the water and addresses both the audience and the camera. ¤  
  
Saria: Hello, and welcome back to "Hyrule: Caught on Camera!" I'm your host, Saria. Before our break, we went over the basic plot of the show. But every show needs rules, or otherwise the show is nothing but madness and unchecked idiocy. Therefore, we have rules.  
  
Audience: Aaaawww…  
  
Saria: Oh, come now: the rules only make the show more interesting!  
  
Audience: (Silence. This basically means, "Yeah, right.")  
  
Saria: Okay, then! We'll just get started.  
  
¤ She picks up the clicker and pushes a button on it. The screen instantly becomes a virtual blackboard, displaying each additional rule as Saria pushes buttons on the clicker each time she discusses a rule. ¤  
  
Saria:  
  
First, the contestant must have all the tape filled: no more and no less. If that happened, the show would go all weird and the network would get mad at us for poor scheduling.  
  
Second, the contestant must be the only person in control of the camera. Contestants are allowed to film themselves, though. They are also allowed to use a tripod, as long as there is not another person controlling the camera. The tripod, however, is not included.  
  
Third, no destroying the camera for the sake of entertainment. This equipment is rented, and the network is on tight scheduling. If you do decide to wreck it, even though you are breaking the rules, you must pay for it. No exceptions, except when it was destroyed by someone else. Then they must pay for it. You get the idea.  
  
¤ Saria puts down the clicker, takes a sip of water, and continues. ¤  
  
Saria: Now, it's finally that time: Time to meet our first contestant. He's seventeen years old, single, and great with a sword. He's none other than the Hero of Time, Link!  
  
¤ The audience roars as Link walks out onto the stage, followed by a floating, glowing bottle. Obviously Navi had been getting into trouble and Link was fed up. A shower of roses, flowers, and (strangely enough) T- shirts rain down on Link as he takes his seat next to Saria on the couch. ¤  
  
Saria: Hello, Link! Thank you for joining us!  
  
Link: I'm glad to be here. Um…what's with the T-shirts?  
  
Saria: I think they were selling them out front. I guess the slogan was too catchy and it got old really fast, like all catchy T-shirt slogans. But anyway, are you ready to participate in…..  
  
¤ Saria signals to a guy holding queue cards. He holds them up as Saria signals to the audience that they should read off the cards. ¤  
  
Audience: HYRULE: CAUGHT ON CAMERA! YAAAAAY!  
  
¤ The audience goes crazy, applauding and cat-calling and screaming. ¤  
  
Saria: (trying to calm the crazed audience down) Hey….settle down now…oh, come on! Please?  
  
Saria and Link: SHUT UP!!!!!!!  
  
Audience: (dumbstruck silence)  
  
Saria: Thank you. Now, Link, are you?  
  
Link: Am I what?  
  
Saria: Ready? Are you ready?  
  
Link: Ready for what???  
  
Saria: Aarrgh! Are you ready to participate in the show?  
  
Link: Huh? Oh, yeah! That. Yeah, I guess I'm ready.  
  
Saria: Good. Guys?  
  
¤ A bunch of stagehands come out holding a big black duffel bag with a silver triforce with a video camera in the center screen-printed on the side. They hand it to Link, who immediately upon receiving the parcel begins to tear it open. He seemingly forgot that it has a zipper. Saria stops him just in time. ¤  
  
Saria: Hold on there, Link! You are not allowed to open that bag until dawn tomorrow. The beginning of your week with the camera begins then. The bag has everything you need: A user's manual for the camera, a rulebook, and a video camera in another bag. The tape is already loaded inside to prevent…erm…technical difficulties. Any questions?  
  
Link: Uh…no.  
  
Saria: Good! Now take this home and DO NOT open it until DAWN tomorrow!  
  
Link: How will you know?  
  
Saria: The date and time displays on the video. There is no way to reset them or remove them. Good luck!  
  
Link: Well, okay…uh…….  
  
¤ Before he can finish his sentiment, Link is ushered off the stage by two burly rule-enforcer guys. As he is being practically shoved along, Link is met with more cheers and more T-shirts. ¤  
  
Saria: Well, that's all for this episode! So until next week, I'm your host, Saria, telling you to watch out: You might get….  
  
Audience: CAUGHT ON CAMERA!!!! WAHOOOOO!!!  
  
¤ The audience is going mad again, and Saria is being escorted offstage by four Burly Rule-Enforcer Guys, while yet more of them are breaking up the fight that has started and more are escorting, or throwing to be more exact, people outside. We hear the HCOC theme song play as the screen goes blank. We see some credits go by, and the show is over. ¤ 


	2. Link: Day 1

Hyrule: Caught On Camera!  
  
A fanfic by Sheik  
  
Disclaimer: See chapter one  
  
Well, here's the next episode in my first attempt at a humorous story! ("Humor" is the secondary genre for a reason, people!) I hope you like it, so be sure to review and tell me what you think. I am open to suggestions, too!  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤  
  
(We see nothing but total blackness except the glow from the giant TV monitor, which dimly lights up the red couch and a coffee table which has been placed in front of it. A bewildered audience is half-applauding, half- murmuring and some have multicolored glowsticks. As a shadowy figure steps forward, everybody hushes and the glowsticks go out. The figure is followed by a fairy, which suddenly flies higher, showing the dim figure of Saria, who is holding a megaphone.)  
  
Saria: (through megaphone) Hello, and welcome back to "Hyrule: Caught On Camera!" If you are wondering about the lights, we are currently experiencing a power failure, and due to a lack of proper technicians, the backup generators only cover the monitor, and about three microphones in the back of the studio.  
  
(About three flashlight beams fall on Saria from different spots in the audience. The fairy, no longer needed, settles down on the coffee table.)  
  
Saria: (through megaphone) Thank you. Now, as you know, our show's first contestant is none other than the Hero of Time himself. Link!  
  
Audience: (Applause)  
  
Saria: (through megaphone) And we will be watching his footage—  
  
Audience: Yay!  
  
Saria: (through megaphone) —right after this commercial break.  
  
Audience: Aaaawwwww..........  
  
(The screen goes black and fades in on Hyrule castle in the morning as the first rays of sun dawn over the mountains. It is a very tranquil scene until we cut to a shot of the inside of the castle: the Royal Gym to be exact. We see a bunch of people working out on multiples of the same huge, scary machine. Princess Zelda is walking around and giving instructions to the people. We see that she is wearing a black sports bra- the kind that can be worn as a top- and black workout capris. Her hair is back in a ponytail, and there is a black cloth headband in her hair. She is much different from the Zelda in the game as she has rippling muscles all over.)  
  
Zelda: That's it! Work your arms! You, fifteen pounds more resistance! Come on! Work harder! Harder! Harder!  
  
(Zelda sees the camera and walks up to it and begins talking like those over-charismatic people that are always on infomercials)  
  
Zelda: Do you want to get in shape? Do you want six-pack abs and a killer punch? Then have I got the machine for you!  
  
(She points to one of the machines, which is currently vacant.)  
  
Zelda: Meet the Lizalfinator! How many times have you wished you could be in as good shape as a lizalfos, jumping and running with the greatest of ease? Then you need the Lizalfinator! When you call the toll-free number that will be displayed at the end of this announcement you will receive the Lizalfinator at your door in an amazingly fast six months! Some assembly is required, but if- er, when- you complete the construction, you will be amazed at the variety of exercises available to you!  
  
(Cut to a scene of a huge box of nothing but amazingly small parts, metal tubes, rods, weights, and little rubber doohickeys. An annoyed Hylian throws down an incomprehensible map, which is supposed to tell you how to put the thing together, and throws the entire "machine" in the trash. Next we see a person who has managed to put the monstrosity together, and they are doing an amazing total of three different exercises. The screen fades out and fades back in on the gym again.)  
  
Zelda: This amazing machine can fit nearly anywhere!  
  
(We see a flustered Hylian trying to cram the thing in a closet, under a bed, and finally into a trash can.)  
  
Zelda: You will not only get the Lizalfinator, but we will throw in three extra-resistance weights at no cost whatsoever!  
  
(We see Link, who, wearing his golden gauntlets, still cannot lift the lightest of the weights more than one foot off the ground. A telephone number flashes across the screen when the scene goes back to the gym)  
  
Zelda: Simply call "l-2384-599987-5690243-222654-95986533-8362057294568- lizalfinator", and the Lizalfinator is yours in only ten easy payments of three thousand rupees! Well, I've got to go use my Lizalfinator now, so I'll see you later when I return to show you another one of our great products: The Bomb Roller! How many times have you wished that you could roll downhill holding a bomb flower just like the Gorons do? The answer will come when I come back with another one of Dangerous Lifesaving Products, inc.'s great inventions! See ya!  
  
(The screen fades out and back in on the studio. The lights have come back on, and Saria is talking to a guy from the tech crew while she gets her mic in place. Upon hearing a message via his headset, the guy takes off, carrying the megaphone as Saria addresses the audience.)  
  
Saria: Welcome back! Now that we've got our power back, we can bring you the rest of our show!  
  
Audience: Yay! (Applause)  
  
Saria: So, without—  
  
(The fairy flies up from where she was sleeping on the coffee table.)  
  
Fairy: Hey! That's my line!  
  
Saria: Sorry. Go ahead.  
  
Fairy: Thank you. *Ahem!* So, without further ado, we proudly present:  
  
Saria and Fairy: Hyrule:  
  
Saria, Fairy, and Audience: Caught on Camera!  
  
Audience: Yay! (Lots of applause and cheering)  
  
(The screen goes black as Saria sits down on the couch and the Fairy takes her place on the coffee table.)  
  
Day 1: Link is trying out his new equipment.  
  
(The scene fades in on a lovely picture: a poorly-operated handheld video camera is focusing in and out on the most beautiful shot of Link's knees that anyone has ever seen.)  
  
Link: Sweeeeet……..  
  
(The date-and-time display mechanism kicks in, displaying "Feb. 49,0000" at the bottom left comer of the screen. "15:92 AM" is flashing annoyingly right beneath it)  
  
Link: Aw, man! Why did they have to make it unfixable!?  
  
Mysterious Voices: (from outside) Hey, Link!  
  
Link: Huh!?  
  
(The camera shuts off and we see a shot of about three very excited Kokiri children sticking their faces directly into the camera.)  
  
Kokiri: Cooooollllll.....  
  
Kokiri #1: Hey, can I see it?  
  
All Kokiri: Hey! No fair! I wanna!  
  
(The three Kokiri that were there and two others have tackled Link and are trying to wrestle the camera out of his hands.)  
  
Link: Hey! Watch it! Cut that out!  
  
(Link somehow manages to get up and get away from the Kokiri. A few chase after him, but most give up the chase. The camera shuts off, and we see a shot of Link's face. He appears to be in the Lost Woods somewhere.)  
  
Link: Hello, and welcome to the first edition of SageCam! Our first sage is Saria. Let's go see what we can see!  
  
(Link steps through a log and we see a huge maze made out of hedges. Since Ganon has been defeated, the moblins are gone and the mad scrubs are back. Link doesn't seem too worried about them as he dashes out into the maze, not using the camera well at all. We see a dizzy shot of the ground moving up and down very quickly, with the occasional appearance of Link's right foot.)  
  
Link: And here we go! Through the—OOF!!!  
  
(A very angry Mad Scrub has shot a well-aimed Deku nut at Link's feet. Link falls to the ground and we see a sideways shot of the mad scrub running up to the camera. It picks up the camera and takes off. Fortunately, the scrub has grabbed the camera backwards and we can see a Suprisingly good view of a harried Link trying to catch up with the scrub.)  
  
Link: (as she scrub is taking the camera) Wh-? HEY! Give that back!  
  
Link: (getting up off the ground) Come back you little pest! Argh! I HATE SCRUBS!!!!  
  
(Unfortunately, that call has rung throughout the entire Sacred Forest meadow, and all the scrubs in the place are now getting even with the unfortunate Hero of Time.)  
  
Link: What!? Hey! Stop that! Ow, that hurts! Okay, you asked for it!!!  
  
(Now the scrub still has the camera, so we get a great view of poor Link being pelted with Deku nuts. Eventually he gets sick and tired of that, so he draws his sword. He holds it back as all else around him grows dark. The blade is surrounded by flames: white, blue, and eventually a deep crimson- red. Link lets fly the powerful attack, dispatching all the scrubs except the one with the camera.)  
  
Link: YAHAAAA!!! That'll teach you to mess with me! And now for you....  
  
(The scrub realizes whom Link is talking to and takes off like a hurricane, with Link close behind. Eventually Link gets an idea and draws out the Fairy Bow. With one skilled shot, the scrub is gone and the camera falls to the ground, upside-down. Link runs to the camera and picks it up.)  
  
Link: Whew! There you have it, folks! The Hero of Time in action!  
  
(The camera shuts off and goes to a shot of the stairs in the meadow. Apparently Link is crawling up the steps so as to get a better look at Saria. We can see nothing but a green fairy floating above a tree stump. As Link crawls closer, music can be heard: Saria's Song. Finally Link gets up and walks towards the stump. In a moment Saria seems to materialize out of nowhere.)  
  
Saria: (Looking down at her ocarina) Oh, hello. Link! How are you!  
  
(Saria notices the camera pointed right at her.)  
  
Saria: Link! Stop that! You know I'm busy! Go tape someone else!  
  
(The camera shuts off and we see the next scene: Saria, inside her house, working on her lines for the next episode of the show.)  
  
Saria: But don't worry! I'm sure the next footage will be— - No, that's not it...umm... Now, our next contestant has more experience in filmmaking, so— no, no, NO!  
  
(Link cautiously draws closer to the house as Saria looks up to notice the camera lens sticking through her window.)  
  
Saria: LINK! What did I tell you!?  
  
(Saria fires up a green energy ball and aims it at the camera. We see a lot of green sparks and then static. The camera shuts off.) 


	3. Link: Live and Let Smash, ¤OR¤ Angry Ran...

Hyrule: Caught On Camera!  
  
A Fanfic by Sheik  
  
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1  
  
As always, please ask me before using place names, made-up characters, or any ideas from my fic! Enjoy!  
  
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤  
  
Day 2: Link has finally found something to tape. Or has he?  
  
¤ It is Day two out of Link's week with the camera, and he still has not found a plot. Instead, he is taping everyone and everything that he deems worth watching. Today's locale: Lon Lon Ranch. ¤  
  
¤ The camera turns on. We see Link's face. His hair is being blown around, and he is squinting. We hear the noise of wind very loudly. Evidently he is riding on Epona. Even though he is shouting, we can barely hear him. The date-and time display, evidently affected by Saria's attack, is now fading in and out, looking like it is some kind of static. It now reads:  
  
Dec. 31, 0000  
  
12:00 FM ¤  
  
Link: Hello again, and welcome to Epona Cam! I'm, well, me. Anyways, here we are in Hyrule Field. What is there to see? Let's find out!  
  
  
  
¤ Link turns the camera around so we can see…Epona's neck. We go for about two minutes before Link realizes what the viewer can see. ¤  
  
Link: CRAP!!!  
  
¤ Link moves the camera (very poorly, as always) so that now we only see Epona's neck every now and then on the left side of the screen. ¤  
  
¤ We go on like this for about three minutes until the camera shuts off and we see a shot of Lon Lon Ranch. Link is terrorizing cuccos, trying to make them chase after him. ¤  
  
Link: Aw, come on! That always makes you mad! Why aren't you chasing me!? I can't believe this! Why is it that I can never get you guys to attack me when I WANT you to!?!?!?!?  
  
  
  
¤ It is this lovely scene in which Malon comes onto the scene; having just rounded up the cuccos into their pen (a very hard thing to do), she is looking to deal with the person who just let them out again. As soon as she spots Link, the rodeo begins. ¤  
  
Malon: LINK!!! So it was YOU! I should have guessed! Get back here right now and stop killing the cuccos!!!  
  
Link: Gack!  
  
¤ The camera shuts off. Next it seems that Link is near the entrance to Lon Lon Ranch. He is trying to get a shot of Malon, who does not seem all too thrilled about it, aside from the fact that she is busy doing her chores. ¤  
  
Malon: ¤ Still looking down ¤ Cut that out, Link. You know I'm busy, or I'd be glad to have you tape me. Come back later and you can tape all you want here!  
  
¤ Link does not listen, rather he moves closer to Malon as she is lifting a small crate of Lon Lon Milk. Malon looks at Link, sets the crate back down again, and walks up the camera. ¤  
  
Malon: Link, need I remind you that I have a black belt in Tae Kwon Do? Now stop taping me this instant, or you'll be sorry!  
  
¤ Link does not listen, but he does back off a little. ¤  
  
Malon: Argh! Why do men NEVER listen!?  
  
Link: Eep! Look! It's a cucco! I….Uhh….why don't I tape that?  
  
¤ Link begins to turn around with the camera, but it is too late. Malon is on the warpath, and when she is like that, it is best to be out of the way. She lets loose a potentially deadly punch directly at the lens of the camera. The last thing we see before the camera blacks out is Malon's fist and the beginnings of a huge crack in the lens. We see lots of static and then the camera dies. ¤  
  
  
  
Day 3: Angry Ranchers and Their Consequences  
  
¤ We see a shot of Link entering the Hylian electronics store: HyliaTronics Incorporated. As this particular segment is shot by a professional camera crew, we guess that Malon thwacked the camera especially hard. Link enters the store and is immediately greeted by a great array of beeping, bleeping, ringing, and of course, people talking VERY loudly. Link is carrying the HCOC official camera carrying case; and he is pretty bruised up: he has a black eye, a huge scratch on the size of his face, and his left arm is wrapped up in bandages. Link walks up to the electronics repair desk and rings a bell. ¤  
  
Link: ¤ singing softly to himself ¤ Nah-veee: for those who think dumb! Hey, where is this guy?  
  
¤ Link rings the bell again, a little louder. ¤  
  
Link: Come on, come ON!  
  
¤ Link waits about five seconds, then starts abusing the poor little bell and shouting. ¤  
  
Link: HELLO, THERE!?!? IS ANYBODY HOME!? COME ON, I NEED SERV-ICE!!!!!!  
  
Female Voice: All right, all right, I'm coming already!  
  
¤ A young woman about Link's age enters from the back room behind the counter. She has LONG black hair, large violet eyes, and a smile that would melt iron. Her HyliaTronics, Inc. nametag reads "Hello, my name is Syrie!" She is wearing a standard women's uniform: Green skirt, white short-sleeved blouse, and brown boots. Link's eyes immediately turn into large red hearts with triforces on them, and he is surrounded by red hearts on a pink background. The vision fades as the girl speaks, but Link's eyes are shining brightly and he has the dopiest look on his face that anyone has ever seen. ¤  
  
Syrie: Hi, there! How can I help you?  
  
Link: Ahhh…… such a beautiful voice…..  
  
Syrie: Excuse me?  
  
Link: It's like heaven……  
  
¤ Syrie blushes a little, but pretends that she can't understand a word Link is saying. ¤  
  
Syrie: Is there anything I can help you with, Sir?  
  
¤ Link suddenly comes to and turns as red as the hearts that we saw just a moment ago. ¤  
  
Link: Uh…. Yeah…. What was it? Oh, yeah! The camera! I need this repaired as soon as possible.  
  
¤ Link opens the bag to reveal the camera: the front of which looks like a totaled car after a severe accident. The lens is not even there, but a few shards are left around the bashed-in rim. ¤  
  
Syrie: Well, what happened here?  
  
Link: Angry ranchers.  
  
Syrie: ¤ Laughing ¤ What did you do?  
  
Link: What does it look like?  
  
Syrie: Right. Sorry. Well, how soon do you need it back?  
  
Link: As soon as possible: tomorrow, preferably.  
  
Syrie: I'll see what I can do. Can you wait here while I take it out back to investigate?  
  
Link: Of course.  
  
¤ Syrie picks up the camera and the bag, and takes both back into the room which she entered from. We see various shots of Link drumming his fingers on the counter, reading the return policy from a poster, and rehearsing various pickup lines. As Syrie finally emerges, a subtitle reading "Ten Minutes Later' appears for a moment on the bottom of the screen and then fades again as Syrie speaks. ¤  
  
Syrie: I can get it to you tomorrow, but it's gonna cost you, I'm afraid. Your camera is the victim of "Angry Rancher Rage"- the fifth case this month, although several are from foreign ranches. This is by far the worst, though.  
  
Link: Well, I'm afraid to ask, but how much will it cost?  
  
Syrie: Well… Uh…. The best I can do is three hundred rupees.  
  
Link: WHAT!?  
  
Syrie: Sorry, but you know, employees get a fifteen per cent discount, and I can use it for you, if you'll do something for me in return.  
  
Link: And what would that be?  
  
Syrie: Are you doing anything tomorrow evening, say…… Seven O'clock?  
  
Link: Well, that depends. Are you asking me out?  
  
Syrie: ¤ Her face turns a bright red. ¤ Yeah, kinda…hehehe  
  
Link: Well, then I'm saying "sure", so I guess we're both doing something tomorrow night now.  
  
Syrie: ¤ Giggling ¤ I guess so…  
  
Link: How about Gandola's Deli?  
  
Syrie: I love that place! Gandola's it is!  
  
Link: See you then!  
  
Syrie: Okay, bye.  
  
¤ Link exits the store, wearing that dopey look on his face again, and floating about three feet off the ground. Behind him Syrie is talking and giggling with her orange-haired friend who works in the office supplies department. ¤ 


	4. Link's Date ¤OR¤ The Revenge of the Hair...

Hyrule: Caught On Camera!  
  
A Fanfic by Sheik  
  
Disclaimer: See Chapter One  
  
  
  
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1 Day Four: Gandola's  
  
¤ As the camera turns on, we see Link in his house. Or rather, we see Link's LEGS. Apparently he was trying to tape himself getting ready for his big date (The camera crew let him borrow one of their cameras). He is wearing a white dress shirt with the top two buttons undone, and a green blazer. He has khaki slacks and his green hat (of course: why wouldn't he have the hat?). ¤  
  
Link: (Singing) I'm going on a da-ate!  
  
¤ Link takes off his hat, slicks tons of gel on his hair, and puts his hat back on again. ¤  
  
Link: This is awesome! I can't believe she asked me out!  
  
¤ Link continues putzing around in his house, doing this and that, while every now and then putting yet more heir gel on. ¤  
  
Link: La de da…..Hum hum hum. This is gonna be great!  
  
¤ Navi enters, wearing a huge pink bow on top of her…..ah…..glowing ball of light. ¤  
  
Navi: Well, Link? How do I look? Am I pretty enough to meet your girlfriend?  
  
Link: Navi, I TOLD you: You're going over to the Twins' tonight!  
  
Navi: Aaaaaaaawwwwww…….I hate that place! All they ever do with me is play "Butterfly Catchers"! And they can't use their imaginations: they draw on my wings! Do you know how long it takes to get magic marker out of these?  
  
Link: You win. You don't have to go to the Twins' house.  
  
Navi: YAY! You're the best, Link!  
  
Link: I'll go see if Mido will watch you.  
  
Navi: AACK! NOT MIDO! ANYONE BUT HIM!  
  
Link: Okay, then go to the Twins'. It's either them or Mido. Take your pick.  
  
Navi: ¤ Grumble, grumble ¤ Okay, okay! I'll go to the Twins'.  
  
Female Voices: Oh, NAH-VEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!  
  
Navi: Huh boy. Here we go! Bye, Link!  
  
Link: Huh? Yeah, whatever. Have a good time.  
  
Navi: Hmph! Some charge you are!  
  
¤ Navi flies out of Link's house and can soon be heard screaming: "NOOO! NOT THE MARKERS!!!" ¤  
  
Link: Phew! Good riddance to bad company. Uh oh! Looks like it's time to go!  
  
¤ Link walks up to the camera and turns it off. At this point we see what Syrie is doing with the HCOC Official Contestant Video Camera: ¤  
  
Syrie: Hello, Link! It's me, Syrie. I just wanted to tell you that no matter what happens tonight, I really like you, and I hope that we can be more than friends someday, and I hope you feel the same. See you tonight!  
  
¤ The camera shuts off. Audience: Aaaaawwww….. Reader: What is this?! Romance in a humor fic? AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! ¤  
  
¤ Gandola's Deli, a quaint little sidewalk café/deli place. Inside there is a counter and some booths, and outside looks exactly like a French sidewalk café. There are lots of plants along a rail that protects the outside diners from the bustling crowd in Hyrule Castle Town Market. It is these plants that the professional camera crew has hidden behind in order to get some good footage of Link's date. ¤  
  
¤ We see Link lounging against the grey stone wall of the Deli, right between the glass doors and the huge window that displays all kinds of appetizing deli foods. Ganondorf comes out (Ganondorf + Gondola? Get it? Hehehe…) wearing a crisp white shirt, khaki slacks, and a white deli apron. He begins talking to Link in pleasant Italian – Brooklyn mixed accents, which I will not even TRY to imitate: use your imagination. ¤  
  
Ganondorf: What's with the long face, Link? Can I get you anything?  
  
Link: Not yet. I'm waiting for somebody.  
  
¤ Ganondorf laughs and nudges Link. ¤  
  
Ganondorf: Well hey there, mister Romeo! If you want a table, you better hurry. With all those camera people there, the tables will fill up pretty fast.  
  
Link: What!?  
  
¤ Link walks over to the rail and looks over it to find…..nothing. The camera crew have disguised themselves as tourists with video cameras. ¤  
  
Link: Hmmm…  
  
Voice: Hey. Link!!!  
  
Link: Huh?  
  
Voice: Link! Sorry I'm late!  
  
¤ Link looks up to see Syrie running towards him wearing a violet long- sleeved turtleneck sweater, a knee-length black skirt, and black high- heeled strappy sandal shoe things. His eyes go all goofy again. ¤  
  
Link: Hhhiiiii……  
  
Syrie: Hi, Link! Are you ready to eat? I'm starving!  
  
Link: Huh? Oh, yeah! Let's get a table!  
  
¤ We see various shots of the date: Syrie daintily munching a salad while Link wolfs down Gandola's Special: A foot-high club sandwich with everything imaginable on it: the worst thing for breath since garlic anchovy coffee bean pizza. Next, Link and Syrie are strolling through the mini-park in the center of the market (You always wondered what was in there, didn't you? Come on, admit it!) while feeding the ducks. Syrie holds some food out in her hand, and about five ducks come over and start eating out of it. Link follows suit, and ends up getting attacked. Finally, at the end of the date, Syrie has given Link back the camera, and the two have exchanged cell phone numbers, e-mail addresses, and HIM (Hyrule Instant Messenger) screen names: "FairyBoy663" and "TechnoChick321". Link goes to sweep his hat off as he tries to bow elegantly, when--- ¤  
  
Link: AAUUUGGGHHH!!!! OWOWOWOWOWOWOW!  
  
Syrie: What is it?  
  
Link: My hat! It's stuck to my hair!  
  
Syrie: Oh my goddesses! Can I do something to help?  
  
Link: Stupid hair gel….Yeah, you can help pull this thing off!  
  
¤ Syrie braces her foot against a potted plant, grabs Link's hat, and PULLS. ¤  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!! NOT SO HARD!!!!!!  
  
Syrie: Sorry, but it's the only way to get your hat off: unless you want me to CUT it off.  
  
Link: NO! Not my beautiful golden-blond tresses! Not my lucky Ganon- whooping hat!  
  
Syrie: Then I'll have to pull it.  
  
Link: Erm…thanks anyway. I'll stick my head under the faucet when I get home.  
  
Syrie: ¤ Giggles ¤ Okay, then. Bye, Link! Call me sometime, okay?  
  
Link: Sure!  
  
¤ Link leaves, and Syrie goes into her house: the end of the date took place on her front porch. ¤ 


	5. Link: The Ganon Project ¤OR¤ The Sacred ...

Hyrule: Caught on Camera!  
  
A fanfic by Sheik  
  
Disclaimer: GOTCHA!!! I made you think that I was going back on my word, didn't I? Well, YOU go to chapter one and read your precious little disclaimer. Yeah.  
  
By the way, in this fic, Ganon and Ganondorf are two separate beings. Ganondorf was allowed to leave on probation on the catch that his evil side was left in the Sacred Realm in the form of Ganon.  
  
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DAY FIVE: The Ganon Project  
  
¤ As the camera turns on, we see that Link has gathered the three Sacred Stones and the Ocarina of Time and has opened the Door of Time with them. Link is running up to grab the Master Sword. Of course, he is using the camera horribly, but at least this time we can see pretty much what Link sees. ¤  
  
Link: And heeeeeerrrrreeee we go!  
  
¤ Link grabs the hilt of the Master Sword with his free hand and instantly blue light surrounds the Link. The next thing we see is that Link is now in the Chamber of the Sages. He is facing Rauru, who does not seem too happy about this little intrusion. ¤  
  
Rauru: And WHAT was it that you wanted? Room and board for another seven years, is it?  
  
Link: Nah. I just wanted to get into the Sacred Realm.  
  
Rauru: WHAT?!?!?!?!  
  
Link: Yeah. You see, it's for this TV show….  
  
Rauru: TV SHOW?! Then by all means, go ahead! It's about this realm got some attention from the press! Would you like an interview?  
  
Link: Ah, no thanks. This is about what Ganon did to the Sacred Realm, and I think it's best to show it first-hand rather than by word of mouth.  
  
Rauru: I see. Well, go ahead! And if you get a chance, I'd love a spare tape of that!  
  
Link: ¤ Rolls his eyes ¤ Sure, Rauru…  
  
Rauru: Yay!  
  
¤ Rauru opens the door out of the Temple of Light and Link leaves to be greeted by a wasteland of… ¤  
  
Link: CHEEZ-E PUFFS BAGS?!?!?!  
  
¤ Apparently Ganon, during his imprisonment, had a horrible case of the "Munchies". Aside from the lightning-swept sky, the tumbled wasteland of slag, broken rock, and dead brambles, there are stacks and stacks of empty CHEEZ-E PUFFS bags EVERYWHERE. ¤  
  
Link: Man, did this guy ever hear of Recycling?  
  
¤ Link continues on his trek, apparently to find Ganon. The song "Mods de Chocobo" from Final Fantasy VIII (AKA The music that plays when you're riding around on a chocobo) comes on as Link begins running around. Every now and then Link holds the camera out in front of himself so we can see him running around. ¤  
  
Link: ¤ Singing along to the music ¤ Doo doodee doo dee da da doo dee dodadadoodee…  
  
¤ Link continues and suddenly steps on something crunchy. The music stops. Link bends down to investigate. The camera focuses in on… ¤  
  
Link: CHEEZ-E PUFFS! I must be getting close.  
  
Mysterious Voice: LINK!!!  
  
Link: GAACK!  
  
¤ Link brings the camera back up to reveal Ganon: There is cheese stuff all over his face and claws, and there are even CHEEZ-E PUFFS crumbs all over him. ¤  
  
Ganon: Snarlsnarl grrrrr….LINK!!! Snarl grrrrr snarlnarlarl ZELDA?!  
  
Link: EEP!  
  
¤ Link turns tail and runs as Mods de Chocobo starts up again. Link is holding the camera backwards on his shoulder so he can tape Ganon: he is doing surprisingly well at it, too. This scene continues for about two minutes and then the music stops as the camera shuts off. ¤  
  
DAY SIX: The Ganon Project (Continued)  
  
¤ The camera turns on as Link is taping himself: or rather, the bottom half of his face. ¤  
  
Link: I'm so scared!  
  
¤ The camera shuts off. When it turns on, Link is eating some CHEEZ-E PUFFS that he apparently stole from Ganon. ¤  
  
Link: I LOVE CHEEZ-E PUFFS!!!  
  
¤ The camera shuts off. It then turns on again as Link is running around as "Mods de Chocobo" starts up again (A/N: I know! I'm obsessed with that song! Go download it and you'll see why. It sounds like music from one of those really cool Mitsubishi Car ads. You know the one's I'm talking about!). ¤  
  
Link: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee……….  
  
¤ Link runs up to the top of a hill and seeing the opportunity in front of him, Link tapes himself. ¤  
  
Link: I'm about to do SlideCam. Good luck!!!  
  
¤ Link turns the camera around and slides down the steep side of the slope. ¤  
  
Link: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! YEAH!!!  
  
¤ Link suddenly realizes that the slope ends right at the brink of the cliff. It is too late, however, and Link goes careening off the side. ¤  
  
Link: Oh no!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
¤ The camera flies from Link's grasp as he goes off the edge and gets a stunning shot of Link's face as he grabs the Longshot out of his belt pack and launches it at the face of the cliff. As it pulls him back up, Link grabs the shoulder strap of the camera just in time. When Link reaches the side of the cliff, the camera shuts off. ¤  
  
DAY SEVEN: The Ganon Project (Continued)  
  
¤ Link has angered Ganon again and is running for his life. He is shooting from the same angle as before, with Cheez-E Ganon showing up on the screen. ¤  
  
Ganon: GIVE ME MY CHEEZ-E PUFFS!!!!  
  
Link: (In a singsong voice) HA HA!!! I beat you! I beat you! There's the exit! There's the exit!  
  
¤ Link turns the camera around to face a fast-closing exit with Rauru cheering Link on. Link throws the camera inside. It turns around so we see a great shot of poor Link running for his survival. Link dives and JUST makes it inside the Temple of Light: and JUST in time to keep Rauru from picking up the camera. We hear a loud scratching and banging on the door from outside. ¤  
  
Ganon (Voice): CHEEZ-E PUFFS!!! CHEEZ-E PUFFS!!!  
  
Rauru: NO! You've had enough for now! I want mine, too!  
  
¤ Rauru puts a spell on the door to keep Ganon from breaking it and then turns to Link. ¤  
  
Rauru: So, did you get what you wanted?  
  
Link: Close enough.  
  
Rauru: Good, good. I suppose you had better be going now: The Stalfie Show is about to come on!  
  
Link: ByeI'llseeyoulatergottagoreturnthecamera!  
  
¤ Link turns tail and runs as Rauru shouts out one last sentiment: ¤  
  
Rauru: DON'T FORGET TO GET ME A TAPE!!!  
  
¤ The camera shuts off. We go now to the live studio audience. Saria is sitting on the couch, accompanied by Link. The fairy, as always, is asleep on the coffee table. ¤  
  
Saria: Well, that was quite the video! How do you feel about it?  
  
Link: EXHAUSTED.  
  
Saria: No, I meant, are you happy with the video?  
  
Link: Sure, I guess.  
  
Saria: Good. Now, get ready to meet our next contestant, right after this commercial break!  
  
¤ The scene fades out and then back in on a beautiful green field. The sky is baby blue and there is a fake-looking rainbow in the background. ¤  
  
Announcer Voice: Hey, kids! It's time for TeleBeamos!  
  
Children's Voices: YAY!!!  
  
¤ Several brightly colored Beamos run by (How do the RUN?! They don't have FEET! It's just one of the many secrets of the game…) with television screens in what are supposed to be their stomachs. They also have those weird antenna things on their heads, only these are shaped like triforces. ¤  
  
TeleBeamos #1: Hewwo, kiddies!  
  
All Beamos: Heeewwwoooo!!!  
  
TeleBeamos #2: My line! You not nice!  
  
TeleBeamos #1: Me no like woo.  
  
¤ ZAP! ¤  
  
TeleBeamos #2: Owieowieowie! Me telling!  
  
¤ TB2 runs off. TB1 had zapped it with its eye laser thing, if you hadn't guessed. ¤  
  
All TeleBeamos: TewweBeamos! The bestest show awound! If woo don't watch it, woo'll be sowwy!  
  
¤ The commercial ends, and we see the studio again. The fairy is flying around the audience selling popcorn and peanuts. Saria is sitting on the sofa, while Link is sitting on a plush red chair that is to the viewer's left of the sofa. ¤  
  
Saria: Well, now that we're back, we can get on with the show!  
  
Audience: Yay!  
  
Saria: He comes from a sand-ridden wasteland, he's the former King of Evil, say hello to Ganondorf Dragmire! Oh, and thanks to "Farty" for helping the author/producer make her decision on the next contestant!  
  
¤ A chorus of "Boo"s and various blunt objects rain down on Ganondorf as he comes onstage wearing his deli outfit. ¤  
  
Random Audience Member: HEY! It's Gandola!  
  
¤ All the "Boo"s change into a chorus of applause and cheering, and the blunt objects are replaced by flowers and (Yet again) T-shirts. ¤  
  
Ganondorf: NO! NOT THE T-SHIRTS!  
  
¤ Ganondorf sits down on the couch next to Saria. However, he is so large and heavy compared to Saria that the whole couch tips over to the viewer's left, spilling its contents onto the unfortunate Hero of Time. Link is on bottom, then Ganondorf, then Saria. ¤  
  
Audience: ¤ Extremely loud laughing, applauding and cat-calling. ¤  
  
Saria: (Dazed expression)  
  
Ganondorf: Ow.  
  
Link: Mmmfmffmffmmmmmff!!  
  
¤ All that can be seen of Link is one of his arms. Saria stands up. ¤  
  
Saria: GANONDORF! Get off of Link! You're killing him!  
  
Ganondorf: What's so bad about that? Oops! Uh, I mean, goddess! How ¤ He winces ¤ TERRIBLE…  
  
¤ Ganondorf gets up and inspects the damage done to Link. He is unconscious, bruised, and battered. ¤  
  
Saria: DEAR GODDESSES! Somebody call 411!  
  
Random Audience Member #1: 411!  
  
RAM #2: 411!  
  
RAM #3: Somebody call 411!  
  
RAM #4: Who has a cell phone?  
  
RAM #5: I do! Shut up so I can call!  
  
¤ Everybody quiets down. RAM #5 Dials 411 and begins speaking to the operator. ¤  
  
RAM #5: Hello, 411? I need the number for emergency medical services…..okay…got it…Thank you!  
  
¤ RAM# 5 Hangs up and dials another number. ¤  
  
RAM #5: Hello, emergency medical services?…Yes, I have an injured game show contestant here and I---  
  
Voice: An injured game show contestant?! Never fear, Random Audience Member! I am here!  
  
All: It's Game Show Man!  
  
¤ Victorious Fanfare. ¤  
  
Game Show Man: Yes, it is I! Game Show Man!  
  
¤ Victorious Fanfare ¤  
  
GSM: Now, where is this poor fellow?  
  
¤ Everybody points to Link. ¤  
  
GSM: Never Fear, mysterious game show contestant! Game Show Man ¤ Victorious Fanfare ¤ will fly you directly to the nearest hospital! Uh, now where would that be?  
  
¤ Everybody except Saria crashes down, anime-style. Saria points next door to a huge building that says "HYRULE GENERAL HOSPITAL" on a huge sign out front. ¤  
  
GSM: Very well then! Come now, unconscious game show guy!  
  
¤ GSM picks Link up and flies away, creating a large hole in the ceiling. ¤  
  
GSM: Up, up, and next door!  
  
¤ Victorious music plays as GSM flies Link to the hospital. ¤  
  
All: ¤ Silence. ¤  
  
¤ Saria regains her composure and takes control of the show once more. She signals to some stagehands who bring out the HCOC Official Contestant Contest Bag and hand it to Ganondorf. ¤  
  
Saria: Well, that's all for today! Ganondorf, you have one week to create a film better than this one. Good luck!  
  
¤ Ganondorf takes the bag as Saria turns to the audience ¤  
  
Saria: Remember, watch out, Hyrule! You might get:  
  
Saria and Audience: CAUGHT ON CAMERA!!!  
  
¤ The audience goes nuts again as Saria and Ganon are escorted offstage by a whole company of Burly Rule-Enforcer Guys, while yet more of them are, once again, breaking up the audience fight. The credits roll as the HCOC theme song plays, and the show ends. ¤ 


	6. Ganondorf: Really Really Really Boring F...

Hyrule: Caught on Camera! A Fanfic by Kaori-chan (formerly Sheik) Not even gonna say it this time.  
  
Ok, I'm SO SORRY to the people who actually read this fic! Well, I'm not dead, I'm just home sick with a lot of time on my hands. -_-' Anyways, here's the next chapter! Sorry again how long it took to update!  
  
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¤ The camera zooms in over the audience onto Saria, who is standing on the set. The audience is applauding, and the fairy is fast asleep on the coffee table wearing miniature pink plastic hair curlers. ¤  
  
Saria: Hello, and welcome back to Hyrule: Caught on Camera!, the hit TV show where Hyrule's most prominent citizens each get to express how they see Hyrule! Or, in some cases, what they do when a free video camera falls into their hands for a week. Anyways, today's film is by Ganondorf, who is currently separated from his evil form, Ganon, on parole. Enjoy!  
  
¤ Saria pushes a button as the giant TV screen turns on and the lights turn off. The audience applauds for a moment and then watches the film. ¤  
  
Day One: The Deli  
  
¤ The camera fades in on a shot of a storefront window, presumably the window in Gandola's Deli. Several busy people are walking around outside. Once again, the date and time displays on the camera are messed up and now read in flashing, neon-pink letters:  
  
SM 51, 675492 16:998 AF ¤  
  
Ganondorf (Voice): Hello, and welcome to DeliCam!  
  
¤ The camera shuts off. When it turns back on, we see somebody ordering food from the deli. We watch as they are served and walk out of the store. The camera shuts off, and does the same thing with various customers for some time. By the time this is over, day one has gone by and the camera is almost halfway out of tape. Much of the audience is now fast asleep. The interesting thing here is that the show is using the same tape over and over again for budget reasons, so in various spots you can still see some of Link's footage. ¤  
  
Ganondorf: Here you are! Have a nice day!  
  
Link: ---NEVER ATTACK ME WHEN I WANT YOU TO?!  
  
Random customer: I'll take some---  
  
Link: ---CHEEZ-E-PUFFS BAGS?!?!?  
  
¤ The camera shuts off and from here on out, Ganondorf has fixed the editing problem and no more of Link's footage can be seen. ¤  
  
Day Two  
  
¤ Nighttime: Ganondorf is walking around taping various things in the Castle Town: various wild dogs, a few citizens out late, and some very tired-looking guards, including one who fell asleep at his post. ¤  
  
Ganondorf: Hehehe...I saved all my tape for this moment! Hyrule's national security force in action! How can these people sleep at night if THIS guy does?!  
  
¤ The camera shuts off. At this point there isn't much tape left, so Ganondorf has decided that the only way to beat Link is to use the rest of his tape for something even more entertaining than Link's Sacred Realm adventure. ¤  
  
Day Five: Rocket Stones  
  
¤ It's nighttime (again), and this time Ganondorf is standing by the Gossip stones by the Temple of Time. A row of bombs is lined up in front of them. ¤  
  
Ganondorf: Now, if this works right...  
  
¤ Fourth of July-Fireworks-type music plays as Ganondorf lights off the first bomb of the row. It causes a chain reaction and all the bombs follow suit. Following that is the Gossip stones beeping and flashing different colors. The camera follows them as they take off like little spaceships. ¤  
  
(A/N: THIS REALLY WORKS! Not at the Temple of Time though, as you can't use bombs there. But TRY IT! It's funny!)  
  
¤ The music continues playing as the camera shows various gossip stones blasting off: as some are underground or inside caves, they hit the "ceiling" and explode resulting in some kind of unconventional fireworks show. Finally, the music stops and the "fireworks" end. ¤  
  
Day Seven: Ganon's Return  
  
¤ Ganondorf, still desperate for something to tape, has somehow wandered into the Temple of time: BIG mistake. ¤  
  
Ganondorf (Voice echoing in the vast expanse of the temple): Hmm.. Doesn't seem like there's much in here. HEL-LO! What have we here?  
  
¤ Ganondorf notices some very key differences in the temple: the Door of Time is wide open, the Sacred Stones are in the altar, and the Master Sword is gone, allowing anybody who pleases to get into the Sacred Realm. ¤  
  
Ganondorf: Let's get an interview with Rauru! He seems to want to be on TV a lot!  
  
¤ Ganondorf steps up to the pedestal. The same blue light that surrounded Link and the camera last time surrounds Ganondorf and the camera. Now, you need to understand that from as far away as outside the Temple of Time, Ganondorf feels no desire to return to his former self due to the rules set by his probation officer. However, take one step inside those doors and Ganon is almost guaranteed to return. ¤  
  
Ganondorf: Wheee! Up, up, and awaaaaaaaaaay!  
  
¤ Ganondorf enters the Sacred Realm to be greeted by Rauru: and a very ANGRY Rauru at that. ¤  
  
Rauru: I'm sorry, but I cannot allow you to come any fur---  
  
Ganondorf: Out of my way, old man!  
  
¤ Ganondorf shoves Rauru aside, grabs some bags of Cheez-E-Puffs, and leaves the Temple of Light. ¤  
  
Ganondorf: MUAHAHAHAHAHAH!  
  
¤ The camera shuts off. When it turns back on, we see that Ganondorf has set it on a pile of something and is now littering Cheez-E-Puffs all around the area. ¤  
  
Ganondorf: Heh heh heh...this oughta do it! Now to wait..  
  
¤ Several minutes go by as Ganondorf walks around impatiently. Finally, Ganon appears over the horizon and approaches Ganondorf (After consuming all the Cheez-E-Puffs) ¤  
  
Ganondorf: Hello, my old friend... 


End file.
